The Blame Game

I have so many ideas floating around in my head and all day I think about writing these things in my blog, and then the day gets away from me and days (and weeks) go by with no blogging!

Well...here i am now, so i will go ahead and write about how, as human beings, i believe our very nature requires, in fact demands, that we have an explanation for everything. In other words, when something happens, generally something we consider "bad" or "challenging" there must be a reason. Why did that tsunami wipe out parts of Indonesia? Why did Haiti get hit with such a big earthquake and suffer such devastation? Why did New Orleans flood? In asking why, the real question so many really want to ask is...who is to blame? In Indonesia, many said the lack of a "warning" system was to blame. In Haiti, people want to blame the poor construction of the buildings. In New Orleans, the city, the leaders, the inadequate construction of the dams are all to blame. Others just blame G-d for being angry or claim G-d does not exist. Why must there always be someone to blame? Sometimes things just happen without explanation and without someone (or someone other than ourselves) to blame. Don't they?

As a lawyer, I always struggled with this concept, which is probably why i chose to do defense work. The lack of personal responsibility and the need to find someone to blame, someone to pay, anyone, even if they are not really at fault, was a driving force for so many. So, why am I even thinking about this? Well, today I caught a very small tidbit of the Dennis Prager show and he was talking about the news item that came out discrediting the scientist who claimed that there was a link between vaccinations and autism. Now, I don't know a lot about the subject, but I do know there has been considerable debate about the existence of a link and how so many people today refuse to vaccinate their kids because of this. Of course, if I had a child with autism, I would certainly ask why, how, why my kid, why us. And I don't think i could ever be satisfied with believing that these things just happen. I don't take issue with those who seek to "blame" vaccinations for their child's autism, even if science presently doesn't support this. I am simply observing that the NEED to blame is so strong that some people may take positions because they MUST, and believe in those positions so strongly, no matter the criticism, because they MUST have something to hold on to. Something to say "aha" that's the reason. Something to give them "peace of mind" of "knowing" why something happened, having something, anything to blame, so they can sleep at night. The alternative--not knowing, having no explanation--is unfathomable to some people.

This is not to say that, in some instances, others are rightfully to blame!! When there is so much debate over "blame," however, perhaps we need to take a deep breath, look inside, and for just a moment consider the fact that "shit happens" and recognize that maybe finding "blame" is not necessarily the answer.

The Redundancy of College Financial Aid Applications

OK, so we are one of those families who fall through the financial aid cracks with regard to sending our son to college. While it may look on paper like we could afford to pay to send our son to any college in the country without receiving a penny of financial aid, the reality is that there is no luxury of extra cash for that purpose. And we are not extravagant. We take few, if any vacations, and the ones we do take are always budget-conscious. We do not eat out often, and we are all really homebodies. We drive fairly average low-key cars and have an "average" house. Although we now have one private school payment, neither of our kids were in private school for the past 6 years. While we are truly thankful and blessed that we do have what we have, we have worked really hard to get here and there is no "relaxing" yet.

So, even though the likelihood is that there will be little or no financial aid thrown our way, we still need to fill out the forms. OY...the forms, and then some. And the redundancy. Yes, we have to submit our tax returns. But then why do we have to dissect our tax return and rewrite it on the financial aid form? Can't they just look at the tax return and then just ask additional questions? They want you to "estimate" what you made in 2009 (since no tax forms have been done yet) and then later say what you think you made in 2009. Huh?? Does someone get paid by the question? It is easy to see why someone in our position might just "give up" and say "forget it" since we probably will be laughed at anyway for applying. But we will not give up. We need to give it a shot too. You NEVER know what might happen, especially when unemployment looms this year...

As we return to the dreaded forms, there is a thought that if we do it with a smile, and with patience, we might actually get through it!

"Stuck in Traffic"

I have been thinking quite a lot about how much time we spend "stuck in traffic." It is almost impossible to get anywhere in Los Angeles "on time" these days. Being late has become synonymous with being stuck in traffic. It is just assumed that we, you or they will be late to whatever it is we, you or they are trying to get to.

We are always waiting....on the freeway for the cars to move, in line at the post office, DMV, movie theater or market, for cell phone reception in a "bad cell" area, for the internet to load on the computer, and even for the weekend to arrive. No wonder we are in such a hurry for everything. In today's world, instant gratification is the name of the game. And why shouldn't we want it NOW. Who wants to wait? Waiting is simply a waste of time. Precious seconds are wasting away while we wait. We want it, and deserve it, now, don't we?

Well, we have all heard the term "some things are worth waiting for," right? Like taking the time to save up for something you really want, maybe a trip, or new furniture, or a piece of jewelry. Or taking the time to wait for a parking place in a crowded mall parking lot. Or taking the time to wait for a freshly prepared meal at a fine restaurant. If we don't wait, and jump in too quickly, seeking instant gratification, we might shortchange ourselves on the vacation that could otherwise have been what we really wanted, purchase furniture that is not quite the right color or size that we had envisioned, buy the small diamond earrings when what we really wanted was the large pendant, leave the mall in frustration rather than have the chance to shop at our favorite store, or opt for greasy, fattening fast food.

Spending so much of my life "stuck in traffic" has made me come to appreciate the need for patience in life. Things seem to "taste" better when I take the time to slow down and savor the moments. Like eating a really good meal. It is much better to savor every bite and make it last as long as possible rather than gulping it down and not really tasting it. It is time to "taste" life and all the infinite facets of life, good and bad. I really believe there is something to learn in every "lesson."

So, instead of getting upset and frustrated because there are too many cars on the road, or too many people at the market, or because it is taking too long for the internet to load on my computer, I plan to just take a breath, think of how lucky I am to be alive, with a great husband and two amazing kids, and family and friends who love me, and take the opportunity to observe and learn. I am hoping to share some of those observations through this blog. A place to collect thoughts and ideas throughout 2010. And through it all, I plan to feel more relaxed, healthier, and happy and to develop a deeper appreciation for all the things and people in my life.